For all those in denial, the AI revolution is here. This past week, stock for Nvidia, the company that produces chips for AI, surpassed the value of all other companies. If you own stocks in Nvidia, I hope you enjoy them. At least until AI overruns the world.
For over a year, people have been suggesting that I have AI write my weekly sermon. A number of rabbis did this; they got up and gave a sermon, and then at the end of the sermon, they told their congregation, “Guess what? That sermon was written by AI.”
Now I would fire such a rabbi. Not because they’re lazy. But because if your sermons are such that AI can write one for you and no one could tell the difference, that’s a problem.
Let me share with you what I mean. I prompted AI to write in the style of Yisrael Motzen and this is what I got.
And I quote: “In [parsha name], we encounter the narrative of [briefly summarize key events or themes of the parsha]. This pivotal moment in our history holds within it a tapestry of lessons, weaving together faith, obedience, and the enduring covenant between the Almighty and His chosen people.”
I do not use any of those terms. And I’d be asleep by the time I got to the third sentence.
But it gets better. AI continues:
“One of the central themes that Rabbi Yisrael Motzen, of blessed memory, (!!!) often illuminated for us is the concept of [insert theme, e.g., faith, compassion, gratitude].”
You see, they really are trying to kill us off!
Truth be told, I am sure there will be a day when Chat GPT will write an excellent drasha and will take over a wide range of jobs currently held by humans. But I think – and I could be wrong – there is one thing that Artificial Intelligence will not be able to do, and that is feel embarrassed, vulnerable, or ashamed. After I had Chat GPT write me a sermon, I asked it to tell me Chat GPT’s flaws. Within seconds it listed ten flaws. Things like limited understanding, potential for bias, lack of contextual reasoning. These are real flaws. Imagine if I were to ask you to list ten of your flaws. “Well, sometimes I am too nice to my spouse.” Sometimes, I get too involved my work.”
Us humans have defense mechanisms that prevent us from focusing on all of our flaws. Those are important defense mechanisms. Imagine we would be walking all day cognizant of all the areas we fall short in; it would be overwhelming. And so, G-d gave us these great mental tools that blind us to some of our flaws, or at the least, helps us not think about them all the time. In doing so, it allows us to move forward.
Untiiiil, someone comes along and bursts those bubbles, and they criticize us. And then one of two things happen, we become defenseless little puppies crying on the floor until we are soothed by our critic, or, we pull out four hundred samurai knives and started slashing away at our critic.
Moshe, in our parsha, takes the first approach. The Jewish People complain, and they complain a lot – about the mann, about the many restrictions of the Torah, and Moshe understands, though they don’t say it explicitly, they’re actually criticizing him. Moshe crumbles; “Forget it. I’m out.” And he tries to exit the stage until G-d brings him back in.
Criticism is not a bad thing per se. On the contrary, it’s in that push and pull between being honest about your friend or spouse and looking the other way, between being defensive and being vulnerable, it’s in that in between space that we navigate the contours of human relationships. That push and pull, that dance, is something AI cannot do.
The question is how we criticize. Can it be done in a way that enhances and deepens a relationship instead of destroying one. Too much criticism or too much harshness in our criticism and the only friend we’ll be left with is Chat GPT.
And so, to kvetch is human, but how we kvetch will make or break the relationships we have. So allow me to share with you two lessons from this week’s parsha on how to kvetch like a mentch.
#1 – The term the Torah uses to describe the Jews who complain is very telling. It does not say the Jews complained. Rather, it describes the Jews as kvetchers, as complainers vayehi ha’am k’mis’on’nim. That was their identity. There’s an old joke of a waiter in a Kosher restaurant who goes from table to table asking the guests, “Is anything okay?”
We often don’t realize how kvetchy we are. In one study, parents were asked how often they criticize their children. 77.3% said they rarely criticize their children. Then the researchers observed their interactions with their children and what they found is that within a span of 15 minutes, the average parents shared 3 praise statements and 8 critical statements.
So check yourself. Are you a complainer? Are you a kvetch? We often don’t realize how critical we are.
Relationship experts suggest ensuring that there should be a 3:1 ratio. 3 positive comments to our loved ones for every one negative comment. It’s also okay to be generous. No one was ever hurt by 4 or 5 positive comments.
So rule #1 – Kvetch away, but don’t be a kvetch.
Rule #2 – The Ramban observes that when the Torah describes them as complainers, it throws in an extra word; They were “like complainers; k’mis’onenim.” Now the Torah is not a teenager; it would not say, like, for no reason. Why are they “like” complainers?
The Ramban explains that the truth is the Jewish People were in a lot of pain; they had been traveling for a long time in the Sinai desert. If you think it was hard to get to shul, imagine how these people left without central air! They didn’t have a gala kiddush waiting for them; food was limited. They were truly suffering.
But if that is the case, it begs the question, why then was G-d mad at them for complaining? Why do they get punished?
There’s a story told of a chassid who had a very difficult life. This chassid came to his Rebbe for advice. The rebbe said, I can’t help you, but go to Rav Zusha, he can help you. So the Chassid travels to Rav Zusha to ask him for advice. He comes to the address he was given; it’s a dilapidated shack in the worst possible neighborhood. He knocks on the door and Rav Zusha answers the door, dressed in rags. He looks behind him there is no furniture. Nothing.
The chassid tells Rav Zusha why he’s there. “My rebbe sent me to you because I am going through a really hard time and I want to know how to have a positive attitude.”
Rav Zusha gives the man a hug. “I am so sorry that you are going through a hard time. But I don’t know why your Rebbe sent you to me. I have never really gone through any hardships in my life. I have everything I ever needed.”
Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, another Chassidic Rebbe, was also known for his positive attitude. In his commentary on the Torah, the Kedushas Levi, he explains that the reason we put our heads down when saying Tachanun, the prayer that pleads from G-d to save us from all our hardships, is because if we would not put our head down and instead, we would see the whole world around us, we wouldn’t be able to beg Hashem for mercy. We’d be so overwhelmed by all the goodness in the world.
And so the Ramban explains that yes, the Jewish People were going through hardships, but how could they have been so blind to all the good that they were also receiving?! Sometimes it’s not about addressing the issue, it’s about seeing a bigger picture, it’s about realizing how much good there is. Whether that’s in our relationships with G-d – acknowledging all the incredible good that He gives us and allowing that to overwhelm the bad. Or in our relationships with our loved ones, stepping back and appreciating all that they do for us or simply being grateful for having them in our lives.
Kvetching is not only what makes us Jewish; it’s what makes us human. It’s in the delicate give and take of giving and receiving criticism that relationships are formed. But can we remember to criticize and not be a critic, to balance 3 or 4 positive statements for every redirect? And can we learn from Rav Zusha and Rav Levi Yitzchak to not bury our head in our hands? We sometimes go through difficulties and it could feel overwhelming. But can we look up? Can we look around – at the world around us, at the people around us? There is so much to be grateful for.
This message has been brought to you by Chat GPT.